Families and Christmas time
Christmas and holiday times of the year can often seem to focus our issues with family. Our old patterns seem to come to the top of mind – there they are right in front of us and hard to avoid – both the issue and the family member. Even if the issue that comes up doesn’t seem to be that big or dramatic it is still a good place to heal. Here is a typical scenario from a client of mine.
Client emailed this issue
“I’m on holiday with my brother and our parents and I keep ending up getting irritated by my brother and the differences we have in our values for things such as money. I can feel I’m heavily in judgement and I can feel myself getting all superior about it and it’s horrible.How can I break this cycle? I feel like I’m heavily off centre a lot of the time around him and my dad. In Powerless/victim mode and the little girl desperately seeking approval. The energy is revolting but I’m really struggling to stay centred. Please help”
I answered
“Get out of the fight. Surrender so it is ok for you and your brother to have a different view. Look at how important you’re being right is to you. If you allow that you might be wrong there can be room for some shift. The fight is seemingly about money but feel into what is going on beneath these differences. For instance, your irritation may lead to anger. Go below that and see the emotion you are trying to hide. It is likely that at the bottom of this fight you and your brother will have the same feeling and from there you can get some understanding. Also, ask yourself ‘What am I trying to get?’ from the situation, from you brother, from your family.
The two of you are just repeating your family patterns from childhood but you are waking up to how you truly are. Stay, as best you can, a watcher of what is going on – don’t take it personally and go for the healing.”
My client’s response – a short while after
“Thanks so much for your message. I worked through the questions which really helped – I think under all of it we are both trying to hide our neediness for love and attention. To be the favourite and to win. For me I think this is actually also a lot about father stuff. Desperately wanting his attention, protection and approval.I’m feeling more centred which is good. Will go back through this again and continue watching and course correcting.”
Working on our stuff with our parents and siblings is continuously ongoing and breakthroughs can be hugely rewarding. I can report that when my client met up with their brother over Christmas itself they had a great time together. When they were together it was easier than it had been in years and all the value stuff and issues around money had all gone.