Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)
HEALING HURT
Feeling hurt comes from feeling that we are being rejected by another.
Yet psychologically we can only feel rejected if we are the one doing the resisting or rejecting.
If someone rejects us and we accept it, the experience does not change how we originally felt.
If someone acts as if they reject us and we understand what is going on with them and recognise the feelings that led to their behaviour, it does not hurt.
Rejection is a projection.
We see what we are doing as what another is doing. As a matter of fact, most of the feelings of hurt or rejection are a misinterpretation of someone’s behaviour as rejection, which usually is not what they meant at all. In the same vein, when we felt unwanted as a baby or child it was always a mistake, a projection of major proportion.
We can only feel hurt when we are trying to get or take something, or when a need is not met.
This sets up one of the biggest patterns of heartbreak and failure in relationships.
Even with apparent evidence to indict our parents, it is easy to show that this was a mistaken perception.
All pain comes from mistaken perception. We can only be hurt if we are pushing away from someone or giving to take; if we are just giving or loving, there is no problem.
If we think back to when we thought we were rejected as a child, and if we supply the needs our parents had at that time, such as confidence, resourcefulness, abundance, and feeling loved, we will then find that their attitude toward us as their child radically changes. What we took as their rejection of us was actually their pain that we, as a child, personalised and interpreted as them rejecting us.
When we resisted our parent’s feelings and negative behaviour and interpreted these feelings as a rejection of us, we set up a devastating heartbreak and rejection pattern for ourselves.
To discover our past hurts and rejections are all misunderstandings which can be corrected, is to once again win back feelings of success, confidence and lovableness. All the withdrawal, failure, and fracturing which occurred as misunderstandings can be transformed into successful patterns of partnership and love.
EXERCISE
Take a look at when you have felt hurt in your life.
What was going on for the other person to act in that fashion?
What were you rejecting the other about?
Imagine them feeling confident, loveable, abundant and resourceful.
How are they feeling and acting toward you now?
Imagine yourself opening up the deeper part of your mind and finding and embracing the gift you brought into this life to help whoever you felt rejected by.
Now see and feel yourself giving the gifts to them which would once again make them happy.
What does heaven want to pass through you for them?
Allow this to occur.
What gifts can you now receive from those you thought were rejecting you?
What gifts does heaven want to pass through them to you?
Receive all of these gifts now.
Once you have given up your mistaken idea of rejection, you can now feel all the love and lovableness you deserve. You can correct this mistake and you will feel your gift of irresistibility.
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