Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

HEALING HURT

Feeling hurt comes from feeling that we are being rejected by another.

Yet psychologically we can only feel rejected if we are the one doing the resisting or rejecting.

If someone rejects us and we accept it, the experience does not change how we originally felt.

If someone acts as if they reject us and we understand what is going on with them and recognise the feelings that led to their behaviour, it does not hurt.

Rejection is a projection.

We see what we are doing as what another is doing. As a matter of fact, most of the feelings of hurt or rejection are a misinterpretation of someone’s behaviour as rejection, which usually is not what they meant at all. In the same vein, when we felt unwanted as a baby or child it was always a mistake, a projection of major proportion.

We can only feel hurt when we are trying to get or take something, or when a need is not met.

This sets up one of the biggest patterns of heartbreak and failure in relationships.

Even with apparent evidence to indict our parents, it is easy to show that this was a mistaken perception.

All pain comes from mistaken perception. We can only be hurt if we are pushing away from someone or giving to take; if we are just giving or loving, there is no problem.

If we think back to when we thought we were rejected as a child, and if we supply the needs our parents had at that time, such as confidence, resourcefulness, abundance, and feeling loved, we will then find that their attitude toward us as their child radically changes. What we took as their rejection of us was actually their pain that we, as a child, personalised and interpreted as them rejecting us.

When we resisted our parent’s feelings and negative behaviour and interpreted these feelings as a rejection of us, we set up a devastating heartbreak and rejection pattern for ourselves.

To discover our past hurts and rejections are all misunderstandings which can be corrected, is to once again win back feelings of success, confidence and lovableness. All the withdrawal, failure, and fracturing which occurred as misunderstandings can be transformed into successful patterns of partnership and love.

Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

A blessing is using the power of your mind and heart to wish someone well.

It is one of the best antidotes to judgement and it keeps us out of sacrifice.

If we judge someone, we feel put upon by how they are. We feel victimised or emotionally at odds with the situation.
A blessing on the other hand is an act of kindness extended to someone in need of help.
It is a gift that reaches out and has a beneficent effect.

Blessing makes us feel good, just as the curses we make affect us negatively.
We never escape what we wish on others.

If we recognise someone acting negatively and recognise it as a call for help, a blessing is the only true and appropriate response. From blessing proceeds all the greater responses to someone in need, which uplift and ennoble us.
When we bless all people and situations, we meet a flow of blessings coming back to us. The anticipation of good things coming our way is well met because we are wishing and choosing that good things happen to all people in all situations.
Similarly to bless ourselves continuously allows an overflow of good things to wash over us and those around us.

CHANGE
Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

Why change?

Change is crucial for our lives to get better. Without it, our lives will not improve and we will not evolve into a more positive future.

If we keep thinking, feeling, and doing as we have been all along, our lives will remain the same.

If we just fantasise about our lives getting better, then we don’t change, and nothing gets better.

Willingness to change

Change usually begins with being motivated to change, then choosing to change, and re-choosing every time resistance or temptation comes up. If problems or resistance do emerge, all that is necessary is to commit once again, following through on a course of action that leads to the truth and success.

Change becomes easy if we really want it.
For the situation or people around us to change, we must begin with our willingness to change that can surmount the greatest obstacles.

Fear of change

If nothing changes around us for long periods it means we are frightened of change, though we may have hidden this from ourselves.
Letting go of our attachments helps change to occur. It does not matter if we have a positive or a negative attachment, such as a grievance; we are held back all the same. Letting go and trusting allows the next step to occur.
Openness and giving ourselves completely also brings the next level of positive change to us.
Change happens easily and naturally when there is no fear present.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness is another way that leads us to see things differently and brings about change. Change is one of the great blessings in our lives, allowing us to move forward and our lives to get better.

Chuck Spezzano (From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

What is fear?

Fear is one of the core roots of any problem. It is a paralysing illusion based on lost bonding. Like all emotions, fear comes from inside us, and is not outside of us. It comes from separation, authority conflict, attack thoughts, and the sadness that is a deep well inside all of us. Fear makes everyone a stranger and a threat.

How to resolve fear

Fear is resolved by love, joining, communication, forgivingness, willingness, letting go, confidence, trust, integration, and commitment. Fear keeps us from realising that the next step in our lives is a step forward in success and intimacy.
Fear shrinks us and makes us think that we are alone.
Like all negative emotions, fear is a way of letting us know that we are making a mistake.

Why do we fear?
Fear comes about through resisting our own energy. It is an attempt to block the energy that wants to fountain up inside us, that would make life thrilling.

Fear also springs from judging or attacking others in our thoughts. Only when we have taken responsibility for our thoughts can we take the first big step in resolving fear. Fear is a response and a choice from inside ourselves. It is a big step for us to realise that we are responsible for all of the feelings we have and can therefore change them.

If we take risks in a courageous way, we can clear up that which frightened us, which resolves the source of fear. We can do this by facing that which frightens us, by using trust, by thinking confidently about the future or by resolving something in the past that keeps us afraid of the future.

To dissolve fear we could put the future in the hands of God, or make a choice to stop thinking negatively because we don’t want to keep attacking ourselves in this way. At the deepest level we are not only afraid of negative things occurring but of positive ones also. The ego builds itself on fear and so is not committed to fully resolving it.

Our core fears are about our purpose, ourselves, love, death, fortune, success, meltdown and loss of self, having it all and God. Our fear must be resolved before we can move forward. It is important to ask our higher mind to remove the fear at the root, rather than the symptom, of the problem.

Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

WHOLENESS

Wholeness needs nothing and so makes no demands.

It is never angry because being complete within itself has no need for control.

Wholeness is never fearful but always bonded, understanding and willing.

Wholeness, being full within itself, just wants to give and share and it is increased by its sharing.

Wholeness is centred and so it can be both playful and healing, radiating and resonating in such a way that those who are not centred begin to unfold and move to their centres.

Wholeness is a remembrance of how we were created by God who is the epitome of Wholeness.

Wholeness realises that we are complete and as such, at our deepest level, there is nothing to do, nothing to finish and nothing to unfold. The realisation of this is enlightenment.

Wholeness is a channel for grace and a foundation for love and joy. It realises all needs come from our self-concepts and can just as easily be let go.

Wholeness identifies us with our spirit, our power and our gifts as a child of God.

Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

SEX

Sex is an aspect of communication which, like all communication, can comfort, heal, renew, replenish and refresh.

With sex, you can learn to be an excellent lover and communicator, as you become aware who it is you are really making love to.

Sex can also become a battleground around needs.

If sex is not working for us, we must first look at our own attitude and beliefs. Many times sex has become a form of taking to get our needs met, or a form of giving to take. Sex can become a fight where we attack or withdraw, in an effort to gain the upper hand. We can attempt to control ourselves in sex, or our partner, out of fear or guilt, or past painful experiences or beliefs. This can be so hidden as to look like it is our partner’s problem, while we are completely clean.

With a couple, if one has a problem it is a problem for both, though one may have the conflict more on a subconscious level.

Using sex as a form of control, is a misuse of sex as a healing gift.
What we misuse, we are misused by.
If sex is misused, it can easily become a place of heartbreak.
If heartbreak occurs, many times our ego’s strategy is to make sex unimportant, or our heart unimportant, by cutting the connection between our heart and our sex. This dissociates us, and has the effect of turning us and others into objects. Then we must win back our hearts, and reconnect them with our sexuality.

If sex has become unsuccessful, we must look at whom we are getting revenge on. We might look at how we are trying to use sex to build our specialness, which denigrates our partner.

If sex has become boring, we must examine how we are trying to keep sex emotionally safe by the level of control we are exerting on ourselves, our partner, or allowing them to exert on us. Awareness, risk, communication and joining are great antidotes to boredom.

If sex is dead, it can be a reflection that our life or relationship is in the ‘Dead Zone’ and we are playing roles or working through Oedipal issues, competition, or fear of the next step. Communication, commitment, awareness and truth are great antidotes to this.

If we were heartbroken around sex, it is time to commit to our heart, our sexuality and their reconnection. This will allow us commitment in a relationship, and open the way for us to be a better partner. Without this, we will stay independent, dissociated and never reach true partnership.

Sex can change whatever mood or pain we are in. It can quickly move through a layer of whatever we are healing. The intimacy, love, tenderness, energy, fun, excitement and sweetness that can be shared in sex can really make a difference in the quality of our lives.

We can give the energy of what our partner craves in sex, which may be beauty, intimacy, sexual excitement, masculinity, peace, healing, femininity, and grace, bringing them love and fulfilment.

Sex can take us to the next step of relatedness and partnership, bringing more joy and enjoyment. Our relationship to our sexuality correlates directly with how our life is going, and to our life scripts. It provides a mirror which reflects the very heart of our lives and our relationships.

We live at a time where sex is either greatly exaggerated, or repressed. Yet we can be the leaders we came to be by the success in our own sex lives. Sex can be a wonderful form of loving, joining, healing and play in spite of the Zeitgeist.

Whatever sex is in our life, we can make it even better.

Chuck Spezzano
(From his book One Hundred Healing Principles)

LOVE

Love is at the heart of all that heals and makes life worthwhile.

Love, which springs from peace, is at the root of all positive feelings and the expression of the Universal Spirit in all things. It is at the heart of all that heals and makes life worthwhile.

Love comes from giving, receiving and the sharing of reaching out to others.

Love is that which brings joy, happiness, and meaning to life. 

Love nurtures, saves, redeems, extends itself, and makes whole.

Love stretches you to know yourself and others more truly, blessing all it touches.

Love generates growth and success.

Only our needs parading as love, or our taking disguised as giving, or our sacrifice which loses now to win later, will not work. At the deepest part of us, we are love, having been created by the Universal Spirit of Love.

As we evolve, we realise more and more the truth about us is love, an extension of Love itself. This tells us that love is the answer to any question we have, to any situation we are in. As we give ourselves for the joy of giving, we open ourselves to the largesse of love.

Love does not demand or give conditions.

Love is not easily daunted, and love, unlike dreams and illusions, cannot be shattered.